I work in a house with three young men. They are full of energy, humour, and a strong desire to have control over there lives. I think that is totally cool. Two of these great guys have down syndrome, and one is autistic. It's a house full of variety, which is my kinda house!

Last week, I had the honour of listening to Dave Hingsburger speak in Camrose. Something that really stuck out for me was in the Communication workshop he gave for the workers. He spoke about "meeting" your clients. Sure you know EVERYTHING about them, I mean EVERYTHING! From the time they have a boule movement to the time they pick there nose! Do you really know them though? Have you had that moment where you finally felt a connection? Have you had the honour of hearing there dreams, there fears, there sadness? Or has it just been all paperwork? Making sure that the house is always spotless, cause you know your house is always spotless ( did you sense the sarcasm in my voice there?). Sometimes we get caught up in all the tasks that "have" to be done. I admit, I'm guilty. I get caught up in the routine, realizing that this routine is in fact a means of controlling other human beings. Now when I just typed that it became even more of a reality. It's true, I believe people get a kick out of being able to control something, or someone. I do stick to the cleaning schedule as if we;re gonna look back at the chore list data, and they will see that the clients "listened" to me, therefore they liked me. Who knows if they did or not. The sad fact is that they are trained to listen, follow orders. Isn't that sad? I'm too busy barking out orders, making sure "I" look good, making sure people see what "I" am doing. Really, who cares. I need to stop making it about me, cause it's not all about me! Do I have a cleaning schedule at home? Hell no! I have realized that I actually need to listen. I am wasting too much time listening to myself talk, I do like my voice.) I need to listen, not just to there voice, but to there body language, to the things they don't actually say. It's amazing what you can hear by just trying it once. I tried it tonight.

One of the guys, we'll call him Bob ( I know, I know, I am not that creative with names). Now tonight I sat down, talked with him, but most importantly, I listened. Bob, loves his girlfriend very much. Bob wants to marry his girlfriend, they are already engaged. I told him how excited that must be! He said he was very happy. He asked me when my boyfriend and I are getting married, I said, "soon," right Adam? ahem! He was very curious, asking if we would kiss, if we would have sex. I said, " I sure hope so!" He laughed, and told me he would like to do that when he is married too. I am so happy that he I make him feel safe around me. I feel very honoured that I have gained some of his trust for him to talk to me about that. All because I stopped and took a moment with him, instead of constantly trying to get him to do his laundry. Ya know what? After we talked, we did his laundry, and talked more while doing it. I hope that I made him feel like a valued person.

Another guy in the house, we'll call him, ummm.. Hulk( he loves wrestling), didn't seem to want to go to bed tonight. He kept making crying noises. I sat down beside him, and asked him if there was something wrong. Instead of assuming that it was just a "behaviour" (I hate calling it that), and he just didn't want to go to bed. He actually opened up, and let me know that he missed his grandma who passed away. You could see his eyes start to fill up with tears. And right away, I knew how he felt. I didn't hurry him, or make him talk. I offered to make us some tea, and then you know what we did? We doodled on a piece of paper, not saying anything, except a few giggles about the funny cartoon faces we were drawing. He needed someone there, and I was glad to be there. If I would have hurried him off to bed even though he was still upset, I bet he would have gone to sleep feeling unimportant, and ignored. It makes me wonder how many times I have done that before, without even asking if he needed to talk, or just needed to sit and doodle. We just don't make enough time for the real stuff.

I'm going to make time.

Just lend an ear, or a doodle pad.)

Labels: autism, connection, David Hingsburger, disability, down syndrome, inspirational